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The tale of the Haggis, is not a happy one,
For being chased around wee hillsides is not a lot of fun

And then there's Robbie Burns, a man whom all Haggis hate,
For it's at his celebrations, that they would end up on a plate.

For years they were terrorised by people great and small,
They even tried to catch Nessie, the goddess of them all.

Until that is,  a wee young haggis from o'er the yonder glen,
Spoke out for all the haggis. His name is haggis Ben.

He wanted liberation, to set the haggis free,
From ending up at parties, as lunch for you or me.

So he set out with a mission - to win the Highland Games,
In front of many people, kings and queens and dames.

He brought himself some bagpipes, a wee scots tartan to
And practised on the hillsides until all the tunes he knew.

He fed himself on porridge, with no sugar, only salt.
He practised tossing the caber, throwing the hammer, doing a vault.

Night and day you would see him, tackling every event,
Could he be the greatest champion that God had ever sent ?

The big day came, the castle grounds were packed.
The events were all just starting, all needing to be attacked.

First he won the dancing, the reels and the flings,
He won the highest honours that Highland Dancing could ever bring.

His rendition of Amazing Grace, it had the crowd in tears,
The wee scots lads and lasses just couldn't believe their ears.

The last event, the tossing of the caber, was about to end the day,
Ben winning this one the crowd sighed, no chance, no hope , no way,

But up he stepped, the caber he tossed high
And far and wide and many a mile in to the distant sky.

Every event he had entered, he had always won the prize,
He'd beaten all the heavies, musicians, girls and guys.

The Queen, she asked him, if he had a wish, as he was knighted on the spot.
Yes, freedom for the haggis, here's the contract, just sign along the dots.

So, now when e'er you eat a haggis, its only that in name,
It's the poor ole sheep that has to suffer, which seems to be a shame,

But until a sheep will no longer stand the chop,
You can still eat your haggis, homemade or from a shop.

The mind though of the haggis, can now be allowed to rest.
For it has the freedom of Scotland, thanks to Ben who beat the best.

Unharrassed by the maidens, Ben now lives in peace,
With the royals at Balmoral, until his day the cease.

THE TALE OF THE HAGGIS